A few weeks later than planned, here are the top three entries for our recent epistolary short story competition (as revealed here). We hope you enjoy reading them; congratulations again to the winning authors and thanks to all who entered.
First Place – The Red Mug by Kate Diamond
THE RED MUG
7th March 2023
Dear Scott
My therapist tells me I have to write to you to process my unsaid thoughts. She didn’t specify if I’m supposed to send these thoughts anywhere once written. If I post an envelope addressed to heaven, will Royal Mail action it? Do they have a system for placating unhinged grieving adults with pre-printed template letter responses in the same way they do with kids who shove misspelled letters to Santa into the post box without so much as a second class stamp? Yeah, these are the unsaid thoughts that occupy my mind at present – the logistics of the postal system. Did you expect more screaming and wailing? I did too, if I’m honest. When they came to tell me about the accident there were two coppers and a family liaison officer, and they sat lined up on the sofa which made me feel like I was in a play and they were the very attentive front row. They were almost on the edge of their seats, waiting for my reaction; the liaison lady poised with her hand on the sticky tab of a packet of tissues, ready to pull the trigger at the first sniff. I felt a bit silly really, like I was letting everyone down by not falling to the floor in front of them. But my ears were ringing so loudly and my chest was so tight that I was incapable of expressing any emotion, let alone expelling liquids from my body. Later when everyone had finally left me alone and I went upstairs, I had a massive cry in the bed, because your pants were on the floor next to the laundry basket, and I started to take the obligatory photo and then realised I have no one to send it to now you’re dead, and that made me laugh out loud, but it wasn’t my normal laugh and then the sound of that made me start bawling. I fell asleep eventually and when I woke up for a wee I wondered why I was so thirsty because I didn’t remember drinking any wine, and then gradually it dawned on me that you were dead. It’s funny that I could remember what I’d had to drink before I remembered my dead husband. But the therapist – Jenny – says I will block stuff out, and the mind deals with it in any way it can, and it will be a rollercoaster for a good while. I’m worried that I’ll do grieving wrong and think about things like wine and the Post Office when I’m supposed to be sniffing your t-shirts and replaying our last kiss in my head. I did look pretty good in the mirror though. All wild eyed and snot covered hair. Very filmic grief aesthetic. It really does feel like a TV show or something, all this. It’s weird to think it’s actually forever. Anyway, what do you think of my first letter? Did I pass therapy day one? What grade would you give me? Love you, miss you.
Mia xxx
8th March 2023
Dear Scott
Greg & Neil made a montage of videos from all your bike rides and posted it online, and there’s this one clip of you at the Botanical Gardens that I just watch on repeat for hours at a time. I don’t even remember you going to the Botanical Gardens. Sorry if I didn’t pay enough attention to your bike rides. But in my defence you talked about them A LOT. Love you, miss you.
Mia xxx
11th March 2023
Dear Scott
Where are the fucking savings account statements? Why is all the bank stuff jumbled up with old manuals from electrical items we NO LONGER OWN? Why do I have to do everything???
M xx
12th March 2023
Dear Scott
Our last kiss wasn’t great because you were holding a butter knife and trying not to get it on my shirt, and I still had a bit of coffee in my mouth and we were squished together by the fridge and I had my coat on and your stupid podcast was playing in the background. We’ve definitely had better. Love you, miss you.
Mia xx
13th March 2023
Dear Scott
I broke the red mug. Ok, no. I threw the red mug really hard against the kitchen floor and it is now broken. Sorry. Love you, miss you.
Mia xx
14th March 2023
Dear Scott
Today Jenny made me talk about regrets. And my main regret at the minute is the funeral. Not the music, obviously. I told her I’d known all your funeral songs since our second date, and I think she was impressed although it’s hard to tell with her poker face. I regret having the drinks bit at the Swan. I was deep in the ear ringing phase and people were fussing around make decisions for me. And they picked the Swan because it’s close to the crematorium and has a big car park. And I wasn’t in a fit state to explain that we once had a row there after the pub quiz because I didn’t know where Santiago was. And then Danny threw up in the beer garden that bank holiday weekend, and we stopped going after that. I didn’t eat any of the funeral food because people kept hugging me and handing me gin & tonics, but I went over to the table to talk to your Nan, and they’d done mini quiches and I was mortified on your behalf. So yeah my biggest regrets are: 1. I encouraged you to enter a career where you could die at work 2. I threw you a leaving party in a crap pub, and fed quiche to your beloved friends and family I’ve planned out alternative funerals in my head since, and I’ve got all sorts of fun stuff going on. More like a stag do than a wake, really. Do you think people would be up for doing another go? Would your brother fly from Australia again if I promised tacos and paintball? I’m terrible at this. You’d be so much better as the grieving widow. Love you, miss you.
Mia xxx
17th March 2023
Dear Scott
Places I have cried this week include: the petrol pump, the supermarket cereal aisle, on the toilet x 3, in the garden when I saw the wonky brick, in the therapy waiting room, in the therapy toilet, but not in the actual therapy room, Love you, miss you,
Mia xxx
19th March 2023
Dear Scott
Should I get a dog or is this a trauma response? Love you, miss you.
Mia xxx
23rd March 2023
Dear Scott
The therapist costs ONE HUNDRED POUNDS per session. And last week I just spent the entire hour talking about Cornwall 2017. I’m not paying for it, obviously. But I saw the price on one of the insurance forms I had to sign for your work. I feel under pressure to heal quicker now, even though the internet says most people don’t start until the one year death anniversary. Love you, miss you.
Mia xxx
25th March 2023
Dear Scott
Amy is pregnant! You were right!! I think she would have told me sooner if it hadn’t been for the whole death thing. But her bump is starting to show now, so she had no choice. They all made a giant fuss about how I’m going to be the best Aunty in the world, which I doubt is true. But I think they mean I’ll be the best Aunty in the world because my husband died and I’ll never get to have children of my own. No one actually said that out loud but it was definitely implied. Love you, miss you.
Mia xx
26th March 2023
Dear Scott
I was up all night reading about this, and apparently 25 months from now I will be considering remarrying. Doubtful. Love you, miss you.
Mia xx
2nd April 2023
Dear Scott
Today was really really really shit. Happy birthday. Love you, miss you.
Mia xx
23rd April 2023
Dear Scott
Definitely not getting a dog. I looked after Tasha’s puppy for the weekend while she went to the marathon. He chewed the corner of the orange rug and kept pulling at the thread until the whole thing just fell apart. I let him get on with it because I was trying to see her on the telly, and I know you secretly hated that rug even though you said polite things when I bought it. Love you, miss you.
Mia xx
30th April 2023
Dear Scott
I’m going back to work tomorrow, just part time. I don’t know how I feel about it really. It’s difficult to care about normal stuff. I remember when crying at work was the absolute worst feeling in the world, but now I cry all the time, and loads of strangers have seen my snot. I tried to imagine what you’d say about me going back to work. But then if you were still here I wouldn’t be off work in the first place so it’s a pointless thought process really, like many of the things that go on in my head. I wonder if they even want me back now my brain is just this constant monologue of nonsense. Wish me luck! Love you, miss you.
Mia xx
5th May 2023
Dear Scott
I’m celebrating surviving my first week back to work with a glass of that Taiwanese whisky you’ve been saving. It felt wrong opening it, but I guess you don’t get to have special occasions any more so I should have them for you. I made a right mess of the bottle trying to get the lid off AND I’m drinking it with ice. Sorry, sorry. The stupidest thing someone said to me at work was Martin in finance who asked what I’d done with all your clothes. Bit weird. He’s never even met you. Maybe he was hoping for a bag of free jumpers? Love you, miss you.
Mia xx
13th May 2023
Dear Scott
Danny came round last night to pick up your football stuff, and he cried when he saw it, so I gave him a glass of the Taiwanese whisky and he spat it into the kitchen sink and said it tasted like soil. I was appalled on your behalf. Stupidest thing someone at work said to me this week: Brenda in the canteen asked if I’d seen a ghost of you yet. Love you, miss you.
Mia xx
1st June 2023
Dear Scott
Lisa and Vicky are taking me to Italy for my birthday! I feel guilty because it was on our list, but also I really want to go to Italy. I think they planned it to be a surprise, but ended up telling me way in advance because people are wary of doing stuff that takes me by surprise these days. Like one of those dogs who have to wear the special ‘nervous’ signs when they go for a walk. Italy, though! Love you, miss you.
Mia x
15th August 2023
Dear Scott
I only see Jenny once a month now because she’s happy with my progress. I think this is because I wear jeans and shirts to her office, rather than the first few visits where I was essentially in pyjamas, with bits of tissue stuck in my hair. I mentioned today that I still write letters to you, and she seemed surprised even though she was the one who told me to write letters in the first place. So I’m thinking maybe I was only supposed to do the letters in the early days to stop my ears from ringing. And now I’m able to do normal stuff like drive on the motorway or go to the cinema I shouldn’t be doing the letters anymore? She never explicitly said any of this, I just inferred it all from her look. It would be easier if they gave you a printed timeline of events to follow. Week 1: lie motionless on the sofa wrapped in a blanket Week 2: sit motionless on the sofa in a therapist’s office Week 25: stop writing letters to dead husband Week 108: consider remarrying Etc, etc. Well, it wouldn’t be easier necessarily. But I would prefer to have a timeline to follow. Love you, miss you.
Mia x
27th October 2023
Dear Scott
Congratulations, you’re an uncle! Your sister gave birth to a huge baby in the middle of the night. It was all very dramatic, of course. Classic Amy. Everyone cried a lot and said he looked just like you and I nodded although he just looked like a scrunched up baby to me, but he was really lovely to cuddle. She gave him Scott as a middle name. I don’t want to write about this anymore. Sorry babe. Love you, miss you.
Mia xxxxx
31st December 2023
Dear Scott
Tomorrow it will be 2024. I am not ready to exist in a year you never lived in. Love you, miss you every single day.
Mia x
27th February 2024
Dear Scott
This time last year you were kissing me in the kitchen as I left for work. I want to go back to that woman and shake her and tell her to stop and look at you properly. To concentrate. To hold onto you, to barricade the door so you can’t ever go to your stupid job again. I hate her. I hate these letters. They’re pointless. I don’t think I ever said anything important in them. Greg & Neil are doing a big charity bike ride today, for the anniversary, and all I’ve done to help is pick your brother up from the airport. I’m sorry I haven’t done more to honour you in the last year. I feel like I made it all about me but I was just trying to survive. You don’t know how hard it has been trying to live life without you. Love you, miss you.
Mia x
29th November 2026
Dear Scott
It’s been a long time, but today Sue in marketing asked me if I’ve considered remarrying, and I laughed out loud when I worked out how many weeks it’s been since you died. I don’t write to you anymore but I think about you all the time. The weirdest things remind me of you. I love it when you pop into my head, and I’m so grateful for the wonderful years we got to spend together. I’m also careful to put one foot in front of the other every day. I learned to navigate the world without you, even though I didn’t want to. I’m proud of myself for that. I think you would be proud of me too. You will always be a part of me.
All my love, Mia xxx
Second Place – Paper Bridges by Mark Smith
PAPER BRIDGES
Dear Gemma
It was great meeting you last Summer. I guess it makes writing this letter a bit easier. I hope it was helpful for you too, although we know it must have been hard. Let’s start by telling you that Maisie has settled very well with us. She has a good appetite and particularly likes bananas. She really is walking now and gets everywhere. She sleeps well. She likes her bedtime stories.
She will always know who you are and we will always talk about you with her. We are really grateful for the time we met you and when she is older we can tell her about that. I hope you feel able to write to us too.
Best wishes
Dan and Hugh
Dear Dan and Hugh
I got your letter. I liked meeting you too. It made me feel better. I miss Maisie but I am pleased she is with you. I always think about her. Is she speaking yet? She always liked bananas so that is good. I am trying to do things better. I’m glad she will know who I am. Tell her I think about her all the time.
Gemma
Dear Gemma
It was great to receive your letter last year. It must have been hard for you to write. We hope you are carrying on doing things better. Maisie is certainly talking now. Sometimes she doesn’t stop! She still likes bananas but eats lots of different fruit now. Her favourite television program is Ben and Holly. I think she could watch it all day but, of course, we don’t let her. She also likes Peppa Pig. She has got a beautiful smile and she often makes us laugh with the things she says.
Best wishes
Dan and Hugh
Dear Gemma
Well Maisie has now started school. She is in the foundation year. She has been making friends. She enjoys going to school but is always pleased to see us at the end of the day. She likes school and she likes coming home. We can now see how much she looks like you. There is a photo of you in her life story book that she likes to look at because of this. We do talk to her about you and she will always know who you are. We are sorry that you don’t feel able to write, but we understand. We will keep writing every year.
Best wishes
Dan and Hugh
Dear Gemma
Maisie has really started to grow up now. I think it is due to going to school and being in the first year proper. She has a little red school bag that she takes with her every day. She has two good friends and they have both been over to play. She prefers them to come here rather than she visits them. This keeps us busy! We have had a wonderful holiday in Spain this year and this will be the first time that Maisie has been abroad or in an airplane. We weren’t sure how she would find it all but she thought it was wonderful. She even learnt to say hello in Spanish. This made people smile. I think she might be a bit of a show off!
Best wishes
Dan and Hugh
Dear Dan and Hugh
Sorry not written. You will know that Maisie now has a baby brother and he is called Matthew. I named him after my grandfather. I am hoping that I will be able to keep Matthew. I need to do things first though. Tell Maisie I have not forgotten her. I think about her a lot. I see Matthew every week. He is not with the same foster carers. He might come back to me. I hope.
Gemma
Dear Gemma
We are sorry you didn’t feel able to meet us this time. Matthew is settling in well. He can crawl everywhere. We think he will soon be walking so we will need to have eyes in the back of our heads. Maisie loves having her little brother with her. We now have two life story books so they are both definitely going to know who you are. Maisie is now having sleep-overs with her friends. We are proud of her for doing this as she really does like to be at home. She is eating well and likes her sleep. Matthew is waking quite a lot in the night. I think he likes to know what is happening. We are proud of them both.
Best wishes
Dan and Hugh
Dear Gemma
Maisie is really growing up. She has a bicycle. It is lilac with tassels on it. Matthew is walking and we mean walking as he likes to go everywhere. He is a lively character and keeps us on our toes as he is full of energy. At this rate he could grow up to be a good runner. He would be able to keep up with Maisie on her bicycle then. Maisie loves school and she is doing well. She knows that we write to you and she says hello.
Best wishes
Dan and Hugh
Dear Gemma
We can’t believe how quickly the time goes by and we are writing to you again. Maisie is now doing lots of after school activities. She particularly likes gymnastics. She cartwheels everywhere she goes. She is full of energy but has many things she likes to do to get rid of it. And then she sleeps well at night. Matthew is a busy body too. He has started to say some words and we are really proud of him for the effort he is making. He likes being outside where he can run around a lot.
Best wishes
Dan and Hugh
Dear Gemma
Maisie has now started playing football. This is both at school and on a Sunday morning. She loves it. She is still doing gymnastics but not so many cartwheels. Matthew has started the foundation year at school. He keeps the teachers busy. I think he prefers activity to learning. But he is very popular. We have been to Spain again. It was very hot. Maisie has been looking at her life story book again and asking about you. We tell her everything we know. Matthew prefers to run around but when he is ready to ask we will tell him all about you too.
Best wishes
Dan and Hugh
Dear Gemma
So, Maisie is now ten. Can you believe that? Of course you will know, but we feel that time does go by so quickly. Maisie is getting really good at football. She is in the school team. She still does well in all her subjects at school. She particularly likes art and we have included a picture that she drew and coloured for you. She asked if she could do this. Matthew is Mr Busybusy. He gets everywhere, at home and at school. He is having some help with his speaking and is doing very well. He makes us proud as always. We are proud of both of them.
Hello Maisie
I am your social worker. You won’t remember me, I’m sure, although there is a picture of me in your life story book. You were two years old when you knew me and I was your social worker. It is then that I am writing this letter. I wonder how old you are now.
I am writing this letter so that one day when you are older your Dads can share it with you. This must be that day. Hopefully your life story book has told you a lot about your past and I am sure that your Dads too will have told you lots. Most of this letter you will probably already know. But it is important that you read this from me.
Your birth mother is called Gemma. She has always loved you but unfortunately all the things she would have wanted to do for you and all the time she would have wanted to spend with you was taken over by drugs. This meant that when you were about six months old you had to go into foster care. It was whilst you were in foster care that we had to decide what to do that would be both safe and the best thing for you. Because of the drugs Gemma could not look after you safely. All children must be kept safe. It is sad that Gemma could not do this. She loved you and always enjoyed talking about you. But drugs can have a big impact on people’s lives. Unfortunately for Gemma they stopped her from doing all the things that she might otherwise have wanted to do and this included parenting you.
Your birth father is called Mike. Unfortunately we don’t know much about him. Your mother met him at a night club. I think they were together for about a couple of weeks and then he left. Gemma never saw him again. He was tall and had a motor bike. I am sorry that we have not been able to find anything out.
You were in foster care with Jake and Myriam. They looked after you very well and made you feel safe. I am sure you know that during this time a court and judge had to decide what your future should be. Because Gemma was so affected by the drugs she was using and because no one thought this was going to change it was agreed that you could not live with her. We looked at someone else in your birth family but they had too many problems of their own to deal with. Therefore the judge agreed that we should find someone to adopt you. Whilst you were in foster care it was my job to try and find adoptive parents for you. I was so pleased to meet Dan and Hugh. I remember the first time they met you and they were very nervous. I hope they are more relaxed now!
Gemma met Dan and Hugh and I know that this meant a lot to them all, especially Gemma. She has a photo of that meeting. Although Gemma was upset that you could not live with her she was also really pleased that you were going to be adopted by Dan and Hugh. And let’s face it, not everyone has two dads!
I hope this letter tells you what you probably already know and I hope you are able to talk to your dads about your past and your birth family. It has been great spending time with you, Maisie. I hope you have had some good times and that there are many exciting things ahead for you to do.
Clarissa Sparks, Social Worker
Dear Gemma
Maisie has now started secondary school. This is a big thing for her. We are taking it a day at a time. Thankfully two of her best friends are going to the same school which has made it easier. We think she is going to like it once she gets used to it. She still plays football. She has started reading a lot too. She likes to read when she goes to bed. Matthew is full of energy. I think he misses Maisie being at the same school, but he has his own friends. His speech is improving. You can be proud of both children.
Best wishes
Dan and Hugh
Dear Dan and Hugh
Thank you for letting us write to you. It has been a very difficult time for us. We miss Gemma. We always tried to do what we could for her but it was just too much. Unfortunately the drugs have won. We were also sorry we could not bring up our grandchildren, Maisie and Matthew, but we have too many health problems and are getting older. We know they are doing well with you. We are pleased they are with you. Gemma always let us read your letters so we know you are good parents. It will be great to take over the letters each year. But sad under the circumstance.
Our best wishes
Annie and Rob
Dear Annie and Rob
We were so sorry to hear about Gemma. It must be very hard for you. Of course, we are happy to correspond with you each year. We feel it is important for you to know how Maisie and Matthew are doing and for them to know how their birth family are. We have told them about Gemma. Now that was a hard thing to do. And we will support them to understand this as they grow up. Maisie has now settled well at school. She enjoys sport. She plays football and netball. Matthew continues to be hard work but we persevere and love him no less for all the challenges he gives us. He is always on the go and needs a lot of our attention. Maisie is wonderful with him. I think it brings out her best qualities. He also gets special support at school.
So be assured that both children continue to do very well. Thank you for writing.
Best wishes Dan and Hugh
Third Place – Just Browsing by Linda Cooper
JUST BROWSING
Dear Fosseway Writers Group,
I recently stumbled across your latest writing competition and noticed that entries had to be written in epistolary format. It caught my attention as I’ve always enjoyed writing letters. Since my wife Edie passed away I’ve not had much interest in anything, but a tiny flicker of enthusiasm crept into the mantle of grief that has embodied me since she departed. I read all the information and rules, but then it dawned on me that in these times it’s more common to communicate digitally. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve nothing against technology, though I don’t use it much myself as I’m getting on in years and am probably considered a technological dinosaur in this ever evolving world. I still remember the times when letters were hand written on stationary with a fountain pen, then sealed in an envelope. I can recall the experience of licking the stamp then walking to post the letter in a mail box, so you can deduce from that I’m far removed from today’s methods of communication.
It saddens me people are no longer taught the art of writing a proper letter as Edie and I were back in our school days. I sometimes wonder what is taught in schools nowadays. It seems to me without their phones and tablets, the majority of youngsters would be unable to tell the time or cope with any mathematical problem or monetary matter. I believe they’d also lose their way every time they went out as they have no idea about directions or maps now they all have one of those satnav things or ask Siri, whoever he is. And don’t get me started on proper English. I mean, grammar, spelling, punctuation all seem to have gone out the window nowadays. All these messages and texts in a language my generation can barely understand, and all this gobbledegook they speak since technology took over. In our day the Amazon was a river, web designers were spiders and trolls lived under bridges. Birds were the only things that could tweet, spam was something we were forced to eat and a swipe was something you got if you misbehaved in school, probably followed by another once you arrived home. So I’m thinking most of the entries for this competition will be presented in modern compositions sent via emails, texts, I.M’s, blogs, tweets and other such technological tools. It wouldn’t surprise me if some of them are even written by robots. I did Google all about A.I once but concluded I don’t want a co pilot or a digitalised assistant in my life. I’d love to have my Edie back though, but technology can’t do anything about that yet as far as I’m aware.
Anyway, back to letters. As I said, I’ve always enjoyed writing them as well as receiving. As a child it was the highlight of every morning waiting to see what would drop through the letter box, be it a letter from a relative, a penpal overseas, a postcard from someone on holiday or an invitation to a party.
I wonder if children today receive anything by snail mail, as they call it. As far as I can see they spend almost all their free time staring at phones, tablets and screens. My own family are much the same. They live down south, but we used to see them quite a bit when the grandkids were little and Edie was here to cook meals and entertain them. But after we lost her, my daughter said I needed a computer to help me cope alone, so now we use FaceTime. It’s okay, but I’m not sure I’d recognise my grandkids any longer. I’ve forgotten what colour their eyes are since they had those V.R. headsets and can only identify them by the designs on their phone cases these days. I think they’d only recognise me if I had a rectangular frame round my head. Still, it’s better than nothing and as my daughter says it saves on fuel and it’s kinder to the environment than driving here.
Even when they go out they’re attached to their devices. You see them in those fast food restaurants sitting round the table glued to their phones. No conversation at all. And I wonder if anyone can actually cook these days as they all seem to eat out or send out for takeaways. Edie and I loved to visit fancy restaurants on special occasions, but most of the time you couldn’t beat her good old home cooking. After Edie died my daughter said I’d never manage to cook like her Mum, but even I can manage to pop those ready meals I get delivered with my online shopping in the microwave she insisted on getting me. I had to look up the instructions on Youtube though, like I do with a lot of things, but I’m learning. I must remember to ask that Alexa thing in the kitchen to find me some easy recipes I can manage, just to prove my daughter wrong.
They even meet their partners on the Internet these days. I said to Maisie on the Bereavement Forum this afternoon that we didn’t need any dating sites or Timber, or whatever it’s called in our day. I met my Edie one Saturday night at the local dancehall and Maisie said she’d met Jim in the shop where she worked. She’s nice is Maisie. I’ve never met her, but we chat about all sorts of things. She sent me a photo and I sent her one of me and we laughed and said we ought to meet really because we’ve heard all about people pretending to be somebody else on the Internet and we should check each other out. I doubt we will though. Like me, Maisie was devoted to her partner and we’re not looking for replacements. No one could match my Edie and anyway, I don’t want to risk being catfished.
And we managed to have kids without sexting, sending emoticons of aubergines, or swapping photos of our body parts. Makes me wonder if they’ll reproduce online before long to avoid the inconvenience of leaving the house to meet, the risks associated with intercourse, and the pain of childbirth.
Edie and I used to love going to the theatre, the cinema and dancing to live bands. At home we had one television with three channels, a radio and a record player. Everything’s gone virtual these days. All this streaming; music, films, sport, news, games and even books. Edie and I loved to read and visited the library every week. Our local one is under threat of closing now which would be a real shame. I made sure I signed the petition on their website to save it. I listened to a podcast the other day about how much things have changed since my day and how writers from the past had predicted all these things. I read ‘Brave New World’ and ‘1984’ at school, but I’d never heard of the one called ‘Neuromancer’ that actually predicted cyberspace and hacking. I’ve downloaded it onto my Kindle now.
Edie and I always used to write letters to each other when we were apart. They kept us going through some tough times and I’ve never parted with them. I think they’re in a box under the bed somewhere, but I’m not sure I could read them now she’s gone. We were sticklers for writing letters of complaint as well. Some strong words might have been exchanged, but It was only between you and the person you were complaining about or the company. Nowadays, they all put their grievances and opinions on social media sites and it gets out of hand, people swearing and threatening each other, then going off at tangents arguing about anything. I posted about it the other day. I said everybody’s entitled to their opinion, but I don’t think it necessary to use foul language, air all your dirty laundry, rant about neighbours, display your road rage or kick off about things you don’t understand and that I thought it was about time they showed some respect and restraint instead of putting these things all over the web. I got more than 500 comments on that one, most of them rude and offensive, telling me I should keep my opinions to myself and bog off back to the museum or my care home. I have no plans to stop though. I know my rights and can point them to the right website to confirm it.
Anyway, I’m having second thoughts about entering your competition because an ordinary letter isn’t going to impress anyone. I might come along to the meeting where you read out all the winners though. I’d like to hear what’s popular these days. Come to think of it though, I haven’t been out much lately for some reason and I am a bit wary. I mean, there’s some strange folk out there and you can never be sure if people are talking to themselves or whether they’ve got those things in their ears they attach to phones. I daren’t drive after I read on Facebook that all the roads are full of pot holes and if I walked I’ve read the paving slabs are all loose and uneven and I don’t need a nasty fall at my age. It’s not like you can get to see a doctor any more. You have to do it all online and then you get a telephone appointment to discuss your problem. I had one a bit back and the doc asked if I could upload a photo of my condition. I asked him if he’d ever lived alone and tried to snap a shot of his haemorrhoids.
Then there’s all this antisocial behaviour, knife crime, drugs and abuse you read about online. I’m not sure I’d feel safe one way and another. I’m hoping I’ll be able to read the winning entries on your website though, so maybe it’s best to do that.
I’ll finish here as I haven’t done my daily Wordle or Suduko and I”m expecting a parcel from Evri anytime soon. I had to order a new keyboard as a lot of the keys on mine are indecipherable for some reason. I always used to look forward to a chat with the delivery driver as I don’t have many visitors since Edie passed, but these days he doesn’t seem to have much time. Just drops the parcel, takes a photo and rushes off. Then they expect you to rate the delivery as well as the company and the item you’ve purchased. I wouldn’t be surprised if it reaches the point where you get a ‘How did we do?’ email after you’ve been to a public convenience. ‘How many stars would you give the design of the toilet, the thickness of the toilet paper and the flush?’ Honestly. I swear technology is taking over the world, but I’m not going to get sucked in I tell you.
Maybe I’ll download that pro writing aid app you recommended later just in case I do enter your competition. There’s so many apps to plough through now that sometimes it takes me ages to find the right one. I even came across one the other day that tells you how much time you spend on the internet, but it’s not accurate. There’s no way I waste six and a half hours out of my busy life every day on technology. I’ve far better things to do.
Yours Faithfully, Harold Luddite
Artwork by Hotpot.AI
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